Wonderfully Embarrassing Moments In My Life

My mom and I were wandering around a few stores one day shopping and talking, just being mother and daughter for a day instead of at each other’s throats about the little things. Somehow we got onto the amount of times I’ve either been hurt or just made a fool out of myself when I was little. She of course thought these times were cute whereas I just shook my head and walked away. There are always four that stand out the most, that I still end up getting reminded of at least once a year.

We’ve always had cats when I was growing up. It started as just one family cat but soon went to each kid having a cat. So with three cats in the house we tended to have several toys for them to play with, some that we’d make and others that “Santa Claws” would buy. One year, when I was about six or seven, the cats got a toy with a suction cup on the end. You’d stick it on the wall or glass and the cats would go nuts trying to get the ball at the end of the string. Well one day after the cats popped it off the wall, I’m not sure what I was thinking, it’s one of those moments you see the wheels rolling in the kids head as they stare at an object and think:

“I hope this kid isn’t going to do what I think she’s going to do…”

Sure enough, I figured this could stick to the wall so there’s probably a good chance it could stick to me too. And of course my parents weren’t around to stop me before I did this. I seem to remember thinking, where could I stick this thing on me. I tried my arm and it didn’t stick too well there, the skin wasn’t flat enough. So my next option, my forehead. Oh yeah, stuck really well there. So well in fact that I kept pulling on it to create suction under the cup and then let go. That went on for a while; pull, suction, let go, pull, suction, and let go. It wasn’t long after I had that attached to my head before someone found me and of course started laughing. I didn’t want anyone else to see what I had done. I grabbed the toy once more and yanked it off. Now being only six or seven, I didn’t realize that suction can create hickeys. Yep, I had a good-sized cat toy suction hickey on my forehead.

My family had a good laugh session from that one. Still have yet to be able to ever live that down. Now I’m fairly certain there are no pictures of this but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out my mother had one hidden away for to embarrass me with if and when I get married or have kids.

This time I know my mother doesn’t have pictures. It was a few years after the cat toy incident. I was in Kansas with my grandparents and was allowed to stay a while at a friend’s house. They’ve been friends of my mother’s since High school so I knew the family quite well. Going to their father’s parent’s house didn’t bother me that much. Get to be around my friends, what could possibly go wrong! They had a farm with a lovely barn that we climbed up into the loft and played around in while waiting for dinner. It was my friends and their cousins. People I didn’t know and I just followed them around like a lost puppy.

After we ate it was rather dark outside but you have to keep kids entertained somehow. We ended up playing hide and seek in the dark. Never done that before but it sounded fun so I went with it. Can’t be that much harder that in the light can it? Sure, if you know the layout of the property and all possible obstacles that could try to kill you. I’ve never been one to want to run but I can apparently when I think I’ve been found. I took off from a tree I think and ran straight to a spot I thought looked like a better hiding spot. Little did I know that between points A and B just so happened to be a volleyball net. The net happened to be just up high enough that as I tried to run straight through it I ended up getting a face full of net. My legs went ahead of my body, net in my face down to my neck until I flew back and flopped down to the ground dazed. I could feel the pain in my throat from the rope; thankfully I didn’t hit the ground hard enough to cause anymore damage. I got up with my hand grasping my injured throat and walked back to my mother’s friend crying so hard because I thought I was going to die. Hide and seek ended at that point for me.

I’ve noticed now that my memory of the events after embarrassing and/or injurious moments isn’t very reliable. I tend to re-hash things out in my mind to see what I could have done differently and then they get all screwy. I do know that my mother’s friend called home for me and informed my family. What I didn’t know though, which I found out when I got home, was that I was running fast enough that I was able to bend the pole or poles quite a bit. We are all still shocked that I don’t have a scar from it.

Somehow my sister who’s four years older than me ended up being the smart alec of the family. She’s been the one you need to always watch what you say around her for fear that she’ll end up turning it around on you. My brother and I ended up the butt of her jokes most of the time; we had such a hard time keeping up with her. Though I had it a little better, I may be quiet but watch out you may end up on the receiving line of a zinger or two. My brother on the other hand, his were so few it seemed to be a couple of years between each.

When we lived in Walla Walla, Washington though, he really got me in one of his pranks. I was only four and really attached to The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Whether it was the movies or the cartoon, I loved it and would watch them repeatedly. My mother even made me a Michelangelo cake for my birthday. So when we were coming out of the library in town one day, which happened to have a manhole in front of it, my brother just popped up saying that he saw a ninja turtle go back into the sewer. Now of course with my sister’s quick mind she caught onto the ruse and added to it. She claimed to have seen him too. At this point I’m asking them which one they saw, Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael?

“Umm…yeah the first one.”

“Michelangelo?!” I’m fairly certain I probably would have tried to pull the manhole cover off at that point, even if I was only four. Nothing would have stopped me from seeing a Ninja Turtle; except for them not being real of course. I probably didn’t talk to them for a while after that prank.

Even though I’m still a little embarrassed about this last major one, the woman got what she deserved. Should you have a weak stomach when it comes to regurgitation, I don’t suggest reading after this. Otherwise, can’t say I didn’t warn you!

Pretty much through my childhood I was always sick with a sore throat, stuffy nose and earaches. It got bad enough that I would get car sick from the amount of mucous in my stomach. We had a little Mazda car that I had to be cross buckled in with my brother and sister. That was evil. Or rather they were evil. Having the two seat belts crossed over in front of me giving them control on how tight the belts went around me. It was probably karma that I was car sick now that I think about it. Being sick, stuck in the middle of the back seat on a car with two doors, with a dad who stands six-foot five scrunched up in the driver’s seat spells disaster. I would have fevers and get clingy. My sister would push me off onto my brother and then back again until they gave up. When I felt like I was about to lose my stomach, it was as if everyone on the road caught up to us and we couldn’t get pulled over fast enough. You really didn’t have much warning with me. It was a chorus of voices throughout the car:

“Eww…get her away from me!” from my sister.

“Mom, she’s gonna blow!” from my brother.

“Chris, pull over!” my mother would order.

And from my father, “Do we have any cups large enough to catch it this time?”

To this day my sister refuses to drink anything orange.

I had gotten over my car sickness after a few years thankfully but I still visited the porcelain god when the mucous was too much. The only time I truly remember not being able to get to the bathroom in time is when my mother and I were once again at a library. My mother knew by that point if I told her my tummy was upset to get to a bathroom quick. We had put are books down and headed to the Librarian to ask her where the restroom was and she completely ignored us. My mother can be a friendly person but when her kid is sick look out. But this librarian wasn’t caring that day apparently. My mother asked again and again, “Ma’am, where’s your restroom, my daughter’s going to be sick.” She was too busy talking on the phone. Even another patron told her to tell us where the restroom was, no such luck. Well lady, you should have listened. I remember telling my mom I don’t feel so good, which usually is last call for my gag reflex. I made it as far as the top of the stairs before I blew. New record! I don’t feel too bad about it now. Though I was certain my mom was going to throw away my sweater that I yakked a little on, I was more worried about my sweater than the fact I just puked. I don’t think we went back to that library for a while.

I’ve done so many embarrassing things as a kid, like you’re supposed to do. I just wish they would go away for a little more than a year. I think my mother just likes making me blush at my childish antics. Well, my family actually, because then we end up going into my sister’s mud pie making, my dad lighting a hill on fire not once but twice, my mother jumping off a garage, and my brother taking apart and putting radios back together with a screw or two left out. Wouldn’t trade my family ever.

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