My thoughts on why everything is so horrible

I’m starting to take my sister’s idea of just blaming things on people or other reasons…just to get it out of my system.I’ve been thinking about why I don’t want to study or do well in school. I keep hearing my mother and father complaining about my grades in school…I would get a ‘c’ or ‘d’ in a class and they would tell me that I am soo smart and that I could do better and they would get mad that I don’t try. But then if I would get a ‘b’ or an ‘a’ they would just say in a very condescending tone…see we told you that you could get that grade if you tried. This made me so mad….nothing I have ever done is good enough for them…they just couldn’t say “way to go!” of “great job!” and that’s what I wanted no it’s what I needed to hear. Now that I’m in college, I don’t know what I’m doing and if I will screw up my life, well I have screwed it up, big time!
I’m the one who gets left behind and gets told to go away. I’m the perfect description of a loner, loser, whatever you want to call it. I’d rather live life in my dreams…there at least I am accepted and loved. I don’t know why I feel this way, I wish it would stop!!
I don’t care anymore. I’ll never finish college, get my degree or my doctorate…something that I thought I wanted. I just don’t know anymore…..and I don’t think I ever will…….

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